Our Founder Ev, writes about what she’s thinking about and shares her facts on anxiety.
Give me a social situation I will be thinking about:
- How should I be standing?
- What do I do with my hands?
- Why doesn’t this dress have pockets?
- What I am going to say next?
- When do I think the next pause will be so I could potentially talk?
- Why did I just say that?
- Why did I say it that way?
- What did they think I meant by what I just said?
- What do they actually mean by what they said?
- What are they going to say so I can answer their questions if they have any?
- Have I already said that thing or have I just been thinking about it so much that I think I’ve already said it?
- Why did I say that thing I said 10 minutes ago?
- Should I apologise?
- Do they notice that I’ve not been able to listen because I’ve been obsessing over how I came across with what I said?
- When should I say sorry?
- Am I supposed to answer that question or is it rhetorical?
- Why do I keep dropping everything, is it because I’m not concentrating because I’m thinking about EVERYTHING else?
- Have I said sorry too many times?
- Do they really want to listen to what I’m saying?
Give me a situation by myself…
- Am I really good enough?
- Is that perfect?
- Do those lines really match up?
- Is that really symmetrical?
- Why did I say that thing I said yesterday?
- Should I really be doing this?
- Am I supposed to be further in my career?
- If I get out of bed will something bad happen?
- Won’t life be better if I just stay in bed?
- Why can’t I get the motivation to exercise?
- Why am I so tired?
- Where is my notebook? I need to write down a to do list.
- What was that thing I was going to do?
- Am I good enough?
- Do the people around me actually want to spend time with me?
- Why do I even bother?
- When am I going to fail?
- Is this normal? Is this happy?
Want me to carry on?
It tired me out writing it, now imagine that all at once and more, because I really don’t want to write everything down that I think, this post would be far longer.
Living with anxiety for me means being tired but not being able to sleep because I’m thinking about everything else.
It means I want to make friends but I don’t want to be sociable.
It means I want to be successful but I don’t want to try in case I fail.
Everything is a paradox and life goes on anyway.
And so do I.
I try to use mindfulness and medication to keep myself balanced, but of course my balance isn’t perfect, but I make the effort! I try to exercise and talk about my feelings as often as possible, but it can be hard to motivate yourself or open up even when you know you should.
So, one day at a time. These are #myfacts, what are yours?